When it comes to treats, do you tend to be stingy or overdo it?
Better Than Before author Gretchen Rubin writes (emphasis mine),
“'Treats' may sound like a self-indulgent, frivolous strategy, but it’s not...When we give ourselves treats, we feel energized, cared for, and contented, which boosts our self-command—and self-command helps us maintain our healthy habits."
After years of reading frugality blogs and denying myself simple pleasures for the sake of saving a buck, I think I've found my sweet spot.
Getting my favorite coffee weekly is something I look forward to days in advance. It's often enough that I don't feel deprived, and rare enough that it feels special.
When I asked on Instagram, I heard from folks on both sides of the spectrum - people who tend to be stingy with themselves, and people who tend to overdo treats.
Here are 3 tips for you, regardless of where you fall on this spectrum!
3 Tips to Find Your Treat Sweet Spot
so treating yourself feels good & right
Bonus deep thought: Knowing you're worthy and capable of handling hard things can help get to the root of some of your deepest tendencies to withhold or overdo.
These ideas are great ones to explore in a one-on-one space like therapy or coaching. (Hint, hint.)
To get help with treating yourself in a feels-good, feels-right way, reach out!
I'd love to hear more about you and see if we're a good fit.
To treats that help you feel energized, well-cared for and content,
2011 above, 2021 below
Last week was our mid-winter break and we hardly had any plans.
I hate planning trips (my mind goes blank if I have to pull a destination out of thin air) and we were resigned to the same ol', same ol' at home (plus more screen time).
But when we heard our good friends were going to drive up to Oregon from southern California, we invited ourselves along and hit the road!
It was a great few days together.
Greg has known Brian and Michelle from their first year of undergrad at Harvey Mudd College (where they all got engineering degrees - any other Claremont people here?).
He was in their wedding, and especially since having kids, our families have become like family to one another.
After coming home I realized:
That great time together wasn't a coincidence.
Ten years ago, Greg and I read the book 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family (or more likely, I read it and made Greg read a summary of it :).
It walked us through making a "rallying cry", or top priority, for our family, and the one we landed on was to build a comfortable community.
Having a comfortable community means having people over even if the house isn't perfect. It means letting others know when you lose it on your kid. It means tending to breastfeeding or diaper changes or potty training around each other, knowing they'll understand.
Brian and Michelle become part of our comfortable community because we made it a goal, and the result is over a decade of friendship.
Investing in friendship IS (brave!) self care. Here's how to do it:
8 Ways to Deepen Friendships
(even in a pandemic)
Well, my friend, which one of these tips will you try?
Tap the button below and let me know - friendship is one of my favorite things (and an important part of my self care) so I'd love to cheer you on!
To your deepening friendships,
I was starting to feel like a broken record.
Every Tuesday, I post on Instagram about how excited I am that our toddler and 8 year old are at my parents' for the morning.
I document picking up a Coffeeholic Dream (heaven in a cup) at my favorite Vietnamese coffeeshop.
Then I spend a BLISSFUL, distraction-free morning focusing on you, dear readers; my clients; and Brave Self Care.
"Boooorrring," I thought as I posted an Instagram Story about my drive to the coffeeshop for the umpteenth time.
Then I got a message from a former client.
"I live vicariously through your Tuesday mornings 😅"
Read our full exchange here:
So, here's your reminder, friend.
You don't need to wait for your *ideal conditions* to start living into your best life.
Waiting for the *ideal conditions*...
...like fulltime childcare, total confidence in yourself, understanding of your life's purpose, or permission from your family to finally focus on you...
means it's just not going to happen.
You can take steps now - in the imperfect present - to become the person you want to be.
Now, this is not to say systemic racism, patriarchy, or a broken childcare system are things you should be able to bootstrap your way out of.
The harm done by these systems is real.
But it is an encouragement to do what you can, with what you have, instead of waiting for the ideal conditions to come along.
With a few hours of grandparent care a week and tag-teaming bedtime duties with Greg, I'm running my business, volunteering at school, raising three kids, and trying to be a kind spouse, friend and family member.
I can do all of the above because of many life advantages, but also because I'm fiercely committed to doing what brings me life, even if the conditions are less than ideal (i.e. my kids walk in on Zoom calls to take showers and - this very minute - my toddler's glued to the tablet so I can finish this email).
What questions do you have about not waiting for your *ideal conditions* to start living the life you want? I'm happy to answer, so hit 'Comments' below!
To going for it in the imperfect present,
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