How to Avoid Your Monster Self, Step 1

11/8/2017

Erika Wittlieb

I'm having a bad day.

I'm stressed, mad at my kids, mad at myself, and just want the day to be over.

Ever have a day like that?

Some days are going to be hard. There's no avoiding it. But if you find you're having more hard days than you'd like, it might be time to start thinking proactively.

My friend led a team of college students on an overseas service project. Before the trip, knowing they would encounter a lot of stressful situations, she asked them a great question:

What is your Monster Self?

When you are overtired, stressed out, and at the end of your rope, what's the worst version of you that comes out? Who do you become on your worst days?

My Monster Self is cranky, withdrawn, and sullen. She doesn't have a sense of humor and can't see the contributions of others (sorry, honey!). She's not a lot of fun to be around.

If you can catch your Monster Self before she truly hulks out, you'll still have bad days. But you'll have the reserves to respond to hard things that happen. You'll be able to be more calm and compassionate with yourself when tough stuff arises.

We're going to avoid our Monster Selves by doing three things:

Step 1: Notice the warning signs

This week is all about noticing the warning signs. Warning signs are the clues that let you know you're on the path to becoming your Monster Self. She's not gone into full-blown takeover mode, but she's lurking. This week, all I want you to do is notice YOUR warning signs.

Here are some of mine.

1) Keys left in the door. Random, but eerily accurate. When I rush into the house with too much on my mind, too much in my hands, and too much to get done, I often forget my keys in the lock. Finding them there is a sure sign that I'm overloaded.

2) YouTube binging. We canceled our Netflix subscription a while ago, but I can binge-watch videos just fine with YouTube.

3) Ice cream and cereal at odd hours. If you find me eating ice cream outside of dessert time and cereal outside of breakfast (with a zombie-like look on my face), something is UP.

4) No sense of humor. When my husband tries to lighten the mood with a joke and my response is this look? Warning sign. (Again: sorry honey!)

Your turn to play

What are some of the warning signs that YOUR Monster Self is on the horizon? Leaving the fridge door open? Too many days in a row without a shower? A tightness in your chest?

This week, simply notice. Notice the warning signs that a downturn could be on its way.

Don't judge, don't reprimand. With a gentle and honest heart, notice. (If you need to respond in some way, "How fascinating!" works well.)

Then, hit the 'Comments' link below and let me know your warning signs!

This is the first step towards having a more calm, compassionate outlook.

[Related: How to Avoid Your Monster Self, Step 2 and Step 3]

7 Comments

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Kaila

11/13/2017 10:54:40 am

Skipping my own self care! I'm not talking about massages and pedicures here, I'm talking super basic stuff, like washing my face, brushing my teeth, eating, drinking water, taking my meds. This is a sure sign I'm headed for a meltdown/blowup. When I'm too tired, busy and overwhelmed to take care of myself, even though I know neglecting my basic needs is going to make me feel even worse, I'm circling the drain.

Charissa link

11/14/2017 07:33:09 pm

Oh my goodness, this is such a good observation, Kaila! I can totally relate to the neglect of everyday self care signaling trouble up ahead. One of my biggest 'tells' in that regard is not flossing, heh. Thank you for taking time to play along - Step 2 drops tomorrow and I hope you find it helpful!

Jennifer

11/15/2017 12:32:35 pm

My warning sign is not enough sleep! If a child was up in the middle of the night, up too early in the morning, or I went to bed too late, then chances are the next day isn’t going to be so pleasant! Not sure how I survived the newborn phase!

Charissa Pomrehn

11/16/2017 10:01:43 am

Jennifer, YES. A rotten night's sleep affects so many things the next day. I've read relationship advice that was basically: get more sleep, ha! Thank you so much for sharing. I can totally relate.

LaQuantae Davis

11/30/2017 07:33:40 pm

I have so many warning signs these days that my monster self is lurking over my shoulder these days I'm not sure where to start. Like some other moms have mentioned, lack of sleep is huge for me. Between my newborn and my two year old, sleep is like a unicorn to me these days, rarely sighted but highly coveted! I can always sense that I'm in for a bad day when, my kids greet me in the morning with their big, bright smiles and all I can do is growl.

Another big warning sign is when my already minimal cooking dwindles to me letting to kids snack their way through the day while I try (unsuccessfully) to hide under my blanket and binge watch ANYTHING.

Lastly, I notice that my preliminary monster self is extremely unfun and highly irritable. I can feel her lurking over my shoulder with a blow horn some days, just WAITING for the kids to make one minor slip up so she can jump in and shut fun down forever!

12/3/2017 09:33:27 pm

LaQuantae, you're in good company! I have to point out how very observant you're being to be able to list this many things you know about your warning signs. I can totally relate to having my kids wake up all sunshine-y and I remain stonefaced with them. Thanks for sharing!

Kinsey

10/11/2020 01:31:11 pm

Lack of sleep is definitely one for me. And I usually get this sort of "simmering" feeling in my arms, like it's ready to book over. And, I'm super critical. Like, instead of being thankful that my husband cleaned the whole kitchen, I zero in on the fact that he didn't wipe down the counters or empty the sink drain catchers.