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What Possessed Me To Slide Down The Stairs On My Belly

5/29/2020

No, I haven't lost it under the weight of the pandemic (yet).

But you read that right.

I've been sliding down the stairs in my house on my belly.

A full-grown woman*. With use of her legs. Sliding down the stairs backwards feet-and-butt-first.

What possessed me?

Our youngest, Pax, had mastered that amazingly fast toddler technique of sliding down our stairs on his belly. I'm not sure about the physics of it all, but he would turn around at the top, kneel on the first stair, then pump his little limbs and be at the base of the stairs in a flash.

One day, Pax decided he only wanted to be carried.

Though he was perfectly capable, he started to whimper whenever I didn't carry him downstairs. Sigh.

I asked. I pleaded. I ordered him to come down on the stairs on his own, but no luck.

With visions of carrying a heavy future 5-year old downstairs in my head, I took matters into my own hands.

Instead of picking him up when he whimpered, I got onto my own belly and took the stairs backward.

"Come on, Pax! Come on! Let's go down like this!"

With my adult frame awkwardly navigating the bumps, I modeled how to come downstairs.

And it worked.

My words were not enough.

He needed to SEE me do it.

What the heck does this have to do with self care?

Our actions speak louder than our words.
And our kids are watching what we do.

Our kids are watching us - the way we do things and the way we move through life. And they will do what we model.

They see when we're stressed, and the way we react to that. They see how we let others treat us, and how we treat ourselves.

So! Let's let our kids SEE us...

be kind to ourselves
take a break - to read, take a nap, or do something just for the fun of it
not just doing all the time for others, but making ourselves an equal priority
make our important contribution to the world because of the energy those things give us

Because your life is a precious gift meant to be stewarded well.

And what a powerful lesson to impart to our kids!

Your turn!

Not sure how to model self care to your kids?

Afraid of the effects of the resentment and exhaustion you feel as a parent?

Let's do something about it together. I created More Rest, Less Stress just for moms like you.

Click the button below to start being the role model you want to be for the most important people in your life.

Start Your Self Care Plan Here

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A 5-minute tip to make next Mother's Day your best yet (even if this year's was a bummer)

5/15/2020

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Soo...how was your Mother's Day?

Last week's post about how to avoid disappointment on Mother's Day got quite the response.

I heard from a friend struggling with infertility, a mom in a two-mom family (who'd like to cancel it), and from women I've never met across the country, all resonating with the complex feelings surrounding this day.

Leann wrote, "This is great, Charissa! Hit home as I have no idea if my husband will even remember it’s Mother’s Day." (Relatable!)

If your Sunday had its share of bumps and disappointments, fear not!

It's a great chance to reflect on what you'll do differently next time.

Here are 4 tips for future Mother's Days from Brave Self Care readers:

1) Consider staying off social media for the day.

Renae shared, "Definitely feel the resentment thing on this day. It's really hard not to compare social media wise. I should probably take this day off social media!"

2) Reframe it as a chance to show extra love to the moms in your life.

Jennifer told me, "This year I gifted dinner to my three sisters via Grubhub, DoorDash etc, and sent my MIL and mom big baskets of yummies and I feel soooo good. I realized that giving is what fills my bucket and it took no effort."

3) If you want time to be off-duty and away from your kids, let them know in a kind way.

This was my own hope for the day, but I realized I hadn't explained this to my older boys. When I did they were very understanding, and I felt less guilty for holing up in a quiet place every chance I got!

4) Remember that your kids are your gifts.

It may not feel like it at times, but this message from Priscilla sure reminded me:

"For me, this holiday represents another Mother’s Day when I will not be able to see my 18-y/o daughter who lives with her father sixty miles away, this year due to the coronavirus. So there is something to be said for appreciating and embracing the mom role on this occasion, even if it means baking the casserole and going under-recognized, with little time for yourself. Because your children are your gifts."

Your turn!

What would you do differently next year?

I invite you to take 5 minutes, right now, to write yourself a note about what you enjoyed and what you'd do differently next time.

Then:

Put it in an email you schedule to be sent to yourself May 1st next year
OR, add it to your calendar for May 1st of next year
AND, if you have a partner, gently let them know what you enjoyed about the day and how you might approach it differently next time

It might mean you feel a lot better next Mother's Day.

P.S. Want more self care wisdom to make mom life feel less fraught and more fulfilling? Join 260+ women on my email list for my best tips, real-life stories, and encouragement.

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How to avoid disappointment this Mother's Day

5/7/2020

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A cheesecake I made for myself last Mother's Day

Ah, Mother's Day.

A day for breakfast in bed, being pampered by your family and not having to lift a finger after being resident meal-planner, kitchen-sweeper, diaper-changer, and tantrum-soother the other 364 days of the year.

But what if Mother's Day hasn't actually looked like that for you?

Ever feel angsty, disappointed or even resentful about Mother's Day - a day meant for you?

You're not alone.

It's a tall order for anyone to create the ideal day off for you.

Maybe you're solo-parenting and there's no one else to hand the kids off to. Maybe you didn't communicate your expectations to your family. Maybe you have a two-mom household and there's no one to do the pampering. Or maybe you don't even know what you want for Mother's Day.

The reality is there's lots of room for disappointment.

I remember stressing out about getting my family to a potluck on time to honor my grandma for Mother's Day and thinking, "Wait, why did I cook the potluck dish??"

Luckily, Charissa of the past had some words of wisdom for present-day Charissa, and maybe for you, too.

I got an email titled "Notes to self about Mother's Day <3" in my inbox. It was from me, a year ago.

This is what it said:

Hi Charissa dear -

Here are some things that made Mother's Day this year enjoyable:

Scheduling a time to pull out cards for Mom and Deb [my MIL]
Setting a time limit to write Mom's and Momo's [my grandma] cards
[I tend to overthink card-writing, and setting a timer helps me get over myself and just let the words flow!]
Spreading out the celebrations, and not expecting to be celebrated during 'someone else's' event...so taking mom to brunch on Sat, enjoying Momo's Chinese dinner on Sun
Lowering expectations for self
I enjoyed baking a cheesecake and eating it the day after :)

Maybe there's some wisdom for you here, too?

Consider taking a moment today to...

Write something for a mom or grandma in your life
Think about how Mother's Day can be a celebration over a few days
Lower your expectations about what the day will look like
Name what small thing would actually make it feel good for you

It might mean you feel a lot better come Sunday.

I see you, mama. Lots of love to you this week.

P.S. Want more self care wisdom to make mom life feel less fraught and more fulfilling? Join 400+ readers on my email list for my best tips, real-life stories, and encouragement. Bonus: I'll send you my free self care hacks workbook, too.

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What Possessed Me To Slide Down The Stairs On My Belly

Our actions speak louder than our words.And our kids are watching what we do.

Your turn!

A 5-minute tip to make next Mother's Day your best yet (even if this year's was a bummer)

Your turn!

How to avoid disappointment this Mother's Day

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Our actions speak louder than our words.
And our kids are watching what we do.