8 tips for having friends (even in a pandemic)

2011 above, 2021 below

Last week was our mid-winter break and we hardly had any plans. 

I hate planning trips (my mind goes blank if I have to pull a destination out of thin air) and we were resigned to the same ol', same ol' at home (plus more screen time).

But when we heard our good friends were going to drive up to Oregon from southern California, we invited ourselves along and hit the road!

It was a great few days together.

Greg has known Brian and Michelle from their first year of undergrad at Harvey Mudd College (where they all got engineering degrees - any other Claremont people here?).

He was in their wedding, and especially since having kids, our families have become like family to one another.

After coming home I realized:
 
That great time together wasn't a coincidence.
​
Ten years ago, Greg and I read the book 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family (or more likely, I read it and made Greg read a summary of it  :).

It walked us through making a "rallying cry", or top priority, for our family, and the one we landed on was to build a comfortable community.

Having a comfortable community means having people over even if the house isn't perfect. It means letting others know when you lose it on your kid. It means tending to breastfeeding or diaper changes or potty training around each other, knowing they'll understand.

Brian and Michelle become part of our comfortable community because we made it a goal, and the result is over a decade of friendship.

Investing in friendship IS (brave!) self care. Here's how to do it:
 

8 Ways to Deepen Friendships
(even in a pandemic)

1. Take stock of who you feel yourself around these days.
   Is there anyone who makes you feel yucky or insecure? They're not part of your comfortable community. People who leave you feeling better than before are.
   
   
2. Consider the post-bedtime hang.
   I didn't see my own sister for months when the pandemic started because it felt too complicated to get together with the kids safely. Imagine my relief when it finally occurred to me she could come over after bedtime, or we could Zoom with another friend, after the kids went down for the night.
   
   
3. Get creative outdoors.
   I know folks who've bought heat lamps, pop-up shelters, or outdoor fire pits just to be able to socialize this winter. If that's not in the budget, think of a nearby park you can be with friends comfortably.
   
   
4. Text, even the dumb stuff.
   Headlines that made you shake your head, TikTok videos, or comedy skits are great!
   
   
5. Text, even the deep stuff.
   Don't be afraid of being the first to be honest about how you're doing. Chances are it will be a relief to the other person that they can be real with you, too.
   
   
6. Voice messages rock.
   Did you know you can send a voice message in a regular text or Facebook Messenger thread? The person on the other end only needs to tap 'play' to hear, and it feels so personal. Look for the microphone icon and give it a try!
   
   
7. Try a collaborative meal.
   When you can't eat together, try a meal swap! Drop a meal at a friend's house, or each cook different components of a meal and meet up to swap.
   
   
8. When you just can't do another Zoom call...
   Mix it up with a virtual escape room, book or podcast club, or even a co-working time when you both log on, say hi, and then get some work done separately but together.
   
   Bonus: Check Instagram for another of my favorite friendship tips!

Well, my friend, which one of these tips will you try?

Tap the button below and let me know - friendship is one of my favorite things (and an important part of my self care) so I'd love to cheer you on!

tell me what tip you'll try!

To your deepening friendships,

Charissa Pomrehn
Self Care Coach
Brave Self Care