Do you ever feel constrained by your living space? Maybe it feels crowded, cluttered with kid paraphernalia, or - if you're a renter - there are restrictions on how much you can change it up. I was asked to add my perspective as a life coach for moms and nonbinary parents for a Redfin article about peaceful apartment living. This was a fun one to think about, because it reminded me of my 5 years of living in an apartment along with our first baby, who eventually grew into a preschooler and big brother when our second child entered the world. Sharing space in an apartment with baby isn't always easy, but you can see one way I practiced self care in the images above. As our apartment bedroom became taken over by a changing table, diaper pail*, and baby clothes, I decided to claim the space above my dresser as all my own. *Note: I said "diaper pail" for the article because it flowed better - but as you can see, we were living with a small open garbage can of dirty diapers in our bedroom! In the Southern California heat! (Whyyyyy?) I can only guess because of our frugal, grad-school lifestyle we didn't think to look into an upgrade. Back to claiming a space for myself... I added framed prints from my favorite artist, a bud vase when I had a clipping of greenery to display, and a lamp my husband made for me when we were dating. Having space that was all my own helped me to feel more peace about sharing everything else. I hope this story helps you to consider what it might mean to practice self care in your physical environment, especially as a parent of young ones. If you'd like, you can see my Brave Self Care tip along 23 others in the article: The Keys to a Peaceful Apartment: 24 Ways to Practice Mindfulness.
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A recent exercise I did had me find a childhood picture and reflect on my belovedness. Whether that sounds "out-there" to you or not, I bet you can relate to this... There's a difference between how we talk to ourselves and how we talk to our kids (when we're at our best, that is!). If you pay attention, there probably times you're talking to yourself in a way you never would to a friend or your child. "I can't believe you forgot - what an idiot" "Late again?! What are they going to think of you?" "There you go again...why haven't you learned yet?" These examples practically flew out of my fingertips and into the keyboard without trying - these self-criticisms are sadly very easy to think of. My inner judge is always lurking in a corner to berate me and try to make me do better through shame and intimidation. But when I look at my childhood picture, these are the last kinds of things I'd want to say to that little girl. What if we could accept ourselves, love ourselves, delight in ourselves the way we do with our kids? What if I could tell myself kinder things, things that will actually help me grow instead of get frantic with fear? "It's okay to be human." "This could have happen to anyone...give yourself grace." And from my fantastic client: "You don’t need to be perfect. Sometimes things are really hard and I see how hard you’re trying." (That one makes me a little emotional!) The girl in the picture deserves loving, not judging, words. Your turn! What's something you've said to yourself this week that you'd never say to your child? What's something kind and true you can say instead? To saying kind and true things to ourselves, They were well-meaning comments. "You must have SO much time on your hands now!" "Ooh, girl, you've been working towards this moment for so many years, right? And now it's here: freedom!!" "What are you going to do today without your kids?" It was the fall of 2017. Our then-youngest had just started kindergarten, and I found myself in a position I had longed for for YEARS. Our children were finally at the same school, a short walk from home, and I had kid-free time that didn't require arranging for a babysitter, planning ahead to have grandparents take them, or paying for preschool. Why did I feel so crappy, then? Any why did these well-meaning comments rub the wrong way? Here was my reality:
Maybe you can relate. You have so many things on your mind, a to-do list that just won't quit, and you're reacting to life instead of living it. I've talked to so many parents who've been in your shoes: "I have all these ideas of what I could do, but I'm always on my phone, and nothing's getting done. All the ways I didn't do what I wanted to is a constant burden." "I wake up feeling already behind." "I feel like every moment is taken." When we don't know what our priorities are, life becomes a series of responding to needs and minor crises (we're late, but Aiden can't find his socks - again!). What needs to happen to get off the hamster wheel? Every week, I work with parents like you who love their kids but are overwhelmed by All the Things. I help them notice what's working and what's not, figure out what's most important to focus on, and make a plan they're excited about to become the person they want to be. I don't give cookie cutter solutions or tell long-winded stories about what worked for me. We have transformational conversations, in a warm and encouraging way, that help you find what works for YOU. If you'd like a personal trainer for life, I'd love to be your person. I'm dual-certified to help people like you find their focus, make time for what's important, and end their days feeling happy and productive. I'm a life coach for stay at home moms, working moms, nonbinary parents, new moms, you name it. Get one-on-one time with me, and find more peace by identifying your priorities. It doesn't have to be this hard. Click below to book your complimentary intake interview to see if we're a good fit! To getting off the hamster wheel, |
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