I see you. You're working hard at becoming the kind of person you want to be. You're Googling, reading articles, and putting in the work. You want to be the best mom you can.  

You know that version of yourself that you swore you'd never become? Yelling, irritated, resentful and mindlessly distracted on your phone? That's your Monster Self. She's the worst version of you.

(And if you've become that monster in the last week or even today, you're in good company. I'm writing this from experience, so no judgement here!)

If you can catch your Monster Self before she truly hulks out, you'll still have bad days. But you'll be able to respond when hard things happen. That monster will be the exception, not the rule.

You can avoid your Monster Self with 3 things.

• ​Step 1: Notice the warning signs
• Step 2: Learn your triggers
• Step 3: Gently course correct

This week is Step 3: gently course correct.

(If you haven't already, hop on over to Step 1 - Notice your warning signs, or Step 2 - Learn your triggers.)

You can gently course correct by making small adjustments depending on how close your Monster Self is to taking over. Let's break it down!

Your 1-Step Action Plan

Your assignment today is to choose the ONE thing that you MUST do to avoid your Monster Self.
 
Pick just the ONE thing that needs to change most.
 
Not sure what step to take?
 
See which group below you fall into, and take that ONE step to avoid the worst version of yourself.

If your She-Monster has already been unleashed:
​Please don't worry. It happens to the best of us. There's still hope for you!

• Take a deep breath. And then another. (If you pray, consider a 2-word breath prayer.)
• Apologize to your kids if needed. SUCH a good teaching moment for them - and good for your heart, too.
• Give yourself a 5-minute timeout (a gentle, calming timeout). Step outside a moment, cry if you need to, lock yourself in the bathroom. Just get a little space to release all your emotions and regroup.
• Try again. The good news is, there's ALWAYS a second chance. And a third. And a fourth. The goal is growth, not perfection. You've got this, mama.

You've had a lot to say about avoiding your Monster Self!

On warning signs...
"[My warning sign is ] skipping my own self care! I'm not talking about massages and pedicures here, I'm talking super basic stuff, like washing my face, brushing my teeth, eating, drinking water, taking my meds. This is a sure sign I'm headed for a meltdown/blowup. When I'm too tired, busy and overwhelmed to take care of myself, even though I know neglecting my basic needs is going to make me feel even worse, I'm circling the drain."  - Kaila Rose

On being excited to catch your Monster Self before she blows...
​"I stumbled across your blog just as I felt my Monster Self lurking over my shoulder with a blow horn and list of all the ways she was going to shut fun down forever if my children didn't stop doing all the things that I keep telling them not to do. I am actually excited to take note of the ways in which I notice my She-monster is about to tear some shit up BEFORE she actually tears some shit up :). Thank you for being courageous enough to share your story with us all and giving me more tools to be courageous too :). "  - L.D.

Tell me, what is YOUR 1-Step Action Plan for avoiding your Monster Self?

How will that one step help you be who you want to be?

Comment below - I read every one and want to cheer you on in your work!

[Related: How to Avoid Your Monster Self, Step 1 and Step 2]

When you are overtired, stressed, and at the end of your rope, what's the worst version of you that comes out?

Last week I shared that my Monster Self is cranky, withdrawn, and sullen. She doesn't have a sense of humor and can't see the contributions of others (sorry, honey!). She's not a lot of fun to be around.

If you can catch your Monster Self before she truly hulks out, you'll still have bad days. But you'll have the reserves to respond to hard things that happen. You'll be able to be more calm and compassionate with yourself when tough stuff arises.

​We're going to avoid our Monster Selves by doing three things:

• ​Step 1: Notice the warning signs
• Step 2: Learn your triggers
• Step 3: Gently course correct

This week, we're just focusing on Step 2: learn your triggers. Your triggers are the external circumstances that put you over the edge. They are the proverbial "last straw". They are the irritating and stressful situations that call your Monster Self into action.

(If you haven't already, hop on over to Part 1 to notice your warning signs.)

When your Monster Self emerges in all her wrath, take a moment afterwards to LEARN from the experience. What were the circumstances that caused you to snap? Could they be a trigger?

Here are some of the triggers that cause my Monster Self to rear her ugly head.

1) Competing demands from kids. I never thought I was a "yell-er". Having a second child proved that theory wrong. Having one small person need me at the exact same time another small person needs me is a trigger. 

2) Running late. Fewer things are more stressful to me than rushing somewhere with the kids in my s̶h̶i̶n̶y̶ ̶L̶e̶x̶u̶s̶ used Mazda.

3) Noise. As anyone with young kids knows, there's no escaping it. Whether it's crying, whining, videos or computer games in the background, loud noises drive me up the wall and can easily trigger my Monster Self.

(One thing I learned recently is that noise can especially be triggering for people with the CliftonStrengths Intellection or Harmony, and for those who are Highly Sensitive.)

Remember, triggers are the irritating and stressful situations that call your Monster Self into action.

What might some of YOUR triggers be?

Is it when someone bails on you?
Being hangry?
Going from one kid activity straight to the next?
A terrible night's sleep?
A judgmental comment at the grocery store?
Driving through traffic?
Realizing at 5:00pm there's no plan for dinner and nothing in the fridge?

This week, we aren't doing anything about those triggers just yet (though sometimes, just noticing them changes how you respond). Just notice.

With a gentle and honest heart, learn from your experiences.

What tips you over the edge? What makes you snap?

Then click the 'Comments' link below, and report your findings!

This is a judgement-free zone, and I can't wait to read what you learned.​

[Related: How to Avoid Your Monster Self, Step 1 and Step 3]

I'm having a bad day.

I'm stressed, mad at my kids, mad at myself, and just want the day to be over.

Ever have a day like that?

Some days are going to be hard. There's no avoiding it. But if you find you're having more hard days than you'd like, it might be time to start thinking proactively.

My friend led a team of college students on an overseas service project. Before the trip, knowing they would encounter a lot of stressful situations, she asked them a great question:

When you are overtired, stressed out, and at the end of your rope, what's the worst version of you that comes out? Who do you become on your worst days?

My Monster Self is cranky, withdrawn, and sullen. She doesn't have a sense of humor and can't see the contributions of others (sorry, honey!). She's not a lot of fun to be around.

If you can catch your Monster Self before she truly hulks out, you'll still have bad days. But you'll have the reserves to respond to hard things that happen. You'll be able to be more calm and compassionate with yourself when tough stuff arises.

​We're going to avoid our Monster Selves by doing three things:

• ​Step 1: Notice the warning signs
• Step 2: Figure out your triggers
• Step 3: Gently course correct

This week is all about noticing the warning signs. Warning signs are the clues that let you know you're on the path to becoming your Monster Self. She's not gone into full-blown takeover mode, but she's lurking. This week, all I want you to do is notice YOUR warning signs.

Here are some of mine.

1) Keys left in the door. Random, but eerily accurate. When I rush into the house with too much on my mind, too much in my hands, and too much to get done, I often forget my keys in the lock. Finding them there is a sure sign that I'm overloaded.

2) YouTube binging. We canceled our Netflix subscription a while ago, but I can binge-watch videos just fine with YouTube. 

3) Ice cream and cereal at odd hours. If you find me eating ice cream outside of dessert time and cereal outside of breakfast (with a zombie-like look on my face), something is UP.

4) No sense of humor. When my husband tries to lighten the mood with a joke and my response is this look? Warning sign. (Again: sorry honey!)

What are some of the warning signs that YOUR Monster Self is on the horizon? Leaving the fridge door open? Too many days in a row without a shower? A tightness in your chest?

This week, simply notice. Notice the warning signs that a downturn could be on its way.

Don't judge, don't reprimand. With a gentle and honest heart, notice. (If you need to respond in some way, "How fascinating!" works well.)

Then, hit the 'Comments' link below and let me know your warning signs!
​
This is the first step towards having a more calm, compassionate outlook.

[Related: How to Avoid Your Monster Self, Step 2 and Step 3]