The face of someone who's gonna mess up
Scared to try because you might mess up?
I know the feeling.
Two weeks ago I took a deep breath and admitted I haven't taken care to consider race and racism as it relates to self care and my business.
Talking about the murders of innocent Black lives just didn't "go" with my calming, encouraging public persona.
As I've finally started talking about undoing anti-Black racism, the voice in my head has cut me no slack.
Dude. My freaking inner critic! (Any other Enneagram 1s out there?)
Luckily, being a self care coach means that I've learned that being gentle with myself is one of the best ways to create lasting change.
Being hard on myself leads to judgement...which leads to shame...which leads to wanting to hide and never try again.
Being gentle with myself gives me permission to be human, to not get it right on the first try, to admit where I have used my privilege to choose out of hard conversations about race.
If you've been feeling scared to try, judging yourself for messing up, or hard on yourself regarding your journey into standing up for racial justice, you'll want to see this.
I came across these freeing words by anti-bias trainer Leesa Renée Hall, who says it much better than I can.
Click the image below to read her thoughts on messing up.
Do you have the courage to stumble?
I hope so.
Let's stumble bravely together.
At the start of the pandemic I was feeling totally overwhelmed by the weight of school closing and losing childcare. My friend Zeinab came over with a delicious salmon lunch she made just for us and her favorite Starbucks order. Prime example of how moms SHOW UP for each other!
In this unprecedented time of collective reckoning with anti-Black racism, it can be hard to know what to do.
I mentioned in an earlier post that when another mom's in need, you're there with a casserole.
Let's rally that generous energy to care for the Black folks in our lives.
My college roommate posted on Facebook:
"Today I'm feeling the weight of the collective black sorrow all through my body. Black people are not okay right now."
There is no easy fix for this, but we can at least show up in ways we know how to show love.
- Send money for coffee, leave flowers on the doorstep, drop off a meal or do any of the loving things you'd do for a mom with a newborn in survival mode.
- Take a risk in trying something new in the context of the relationship.
- Preface your gift with a long preamble about how guilty you feel, how overwhelmed you are, or how exhausting current events have been for you. It's totally fine to feel these things. Process them with someone else. (See Ring Theory for why.)
- Make your act of service something so complicated it adds to the stress in their life.
Your turn to play!
What ONE thing you can do to show care for a Black friend?
Take a moment and comment below! I'll be cheering you on in doing what you CAN, not what you can't.
To taking one step at a time,
Self Care Coach for moms
Brave Self Care
For my Black moms - I'm so thankful you're here.
Before anything else, here are two self-care resources for you:
For my fellow non-Black moms: thanks for the feedback!
"I’ve needed this all week without knowing it."
"I had planned to not engage in anything 'hard' outside of just caring for a 3 year old and a newborn without the usual help of friends and family. This past week shocked me out of that privilege bubble."
"I appreciate as always you hitting the target - it always feels like you're talking to me specifically."
(Psst...If you missed what they're talking about, read
3 ways moms make great allies HERE.)
Last week I promised I'd be back to show you how to zap overwhelm and take steps toward what matters most.
This phrase kept coming to me as my mind raced last week, feeling frantic about what my response would be to anti-Black racism.
"Pray as you can, not as you can't"
It means to pray however is realistic for you at the moment, not in some super-holy, totally undistracted, hours-on-your-knees way if you can't do that.
And I think it applies here, wherever you are in your journey to antiracism.
Do what you CAN -
Yes, I would like to unearth all the ways I'm complicit in White supremacy, become the best ally, fearlessly call my representatives, and embrace my role as an Asian-American in the fight for justice - but realistically? That's incredibly overwhelming and can only be learned over time.
Do what you can.
Just one thing.
Then the next.
Then the next.
And slowly become the change you want to see.
Wondering what your next one thing is?
Find time and energy for yourself. My best secrets, straight to your inbox: